Processing REALLY BIG Stuff

I wrote a blog for the leadership group in the program last week, and because it resonated with so many, I thought I would reiterate a few of those things for you this week. If you happened to read that blog, I am sorry for the overlap, but there are some important issues that need to be addressed and seen by everyone. 

Across the country, there's a palpable undercurrent of anger, tension, and frustration—cutting across political lines. Beneath this surface unrest, deeper truths are beginning to break through, revealing a harsher reality that can no longer be contained. The tension that was building up to the weekend of planned protests and parades had an entire country on edge, if not across the world. 

If you attended the Summit recently, you likely recall Dr. Jaiyah John’s message of “allowing” the feelings we have in the field we are in, and accepting them - even embracing them. After hearing Dr. John’s message, I was left sitting with a complex mix of emotions.

On one hand, I felt deeply moved by his invitation to acknowledge our anger, to let the tears fall, and to stay present with the raw, split-open vulnerability that so many of us are carrying right now. But then I read the comments from all of you—real stories, real pain—and I found myself burning with anger. The kind of anger that’s sharp, justified, and hard to swallow. And honestly? I’m not sorry for feeling it. I’m angry. I’m scared. And I’m doing my best to keep that anger from taking over.

As an integral part of this program, you may find yourself carrying an invisible weight—one that grows quietly with each heartbreaking story, each family suddenly pulled apart. Even when we’re not directly impacted, the ripple effects reach us. The fear in a parent's eyes, the confusion in a child’s voice, the silence where laughter once lived—these moments stay with us.

And beneath it all, there is often anger.

Anger at the injustice. Anger at feeling powerless. Anger that you feel stretched thin and solutions feel out of reach.

But here’s the truth: anger isn’t the enemy. It’s a messenger. It’s information. And if we don’t acknowledge and process it, that anger  can quietly seep into our work, our homes, and our well-being.

So how do we process our anger without letting it consume or define us?

1. Name It Without Shame

As a home visitor, you carry so much—stories, struggles, and emotions that aren’t always easy to process. One of the most powerful things you can do is simply name what you’re feeling:“I’m feeling angry right now.”

That one sentence creates a pause. It stops the spiral of guilt (“I shouldn’t feel this way”) and opens the door to awareness.

Try saying to yourself:“This situation is making me feel frustrated and helpless. I care deeply, and that feeling is showing up as anger.”

Naming the emotion is the first step toward moving from reaction to reflection.

2. Get Curious, Not Reactive

Anger often masks something deeper—grief, fear, exhaustion, helplessness. And in this work, where you’re expected to be calm, present, and strong for others, it can feel safer to just push through.

But curiosity is a form of strength too.

Ask yourself:

• What’s really behind this anger?

• What need of mine is being ignored or unmet?

• Am I trying to protect someone—or myself—from something painful?

Being curious softens the edge of anger and opens up space for compassion, both for yourself and those you serve.

3. Move the Body, Shift the Energy

Anger isn’t just mental—it’s physical. It lives in your body. You might notice a tight chest, a clenched jaw, or a pounding heart after a tough visit or conversation.

To release that tension, try:

• A brisk walk around the block between visits

• Five deep belly breaths before getting out of the car

• Shaking out your arms and legs in the breakroom (yes, really!)

• A silent scream in your car—or into a pillow when you get home

You don’t have to bottle it up or stay calm 24/7. You just need safe ways to let it move through you.

4. Speak From the “I” to Create Safety

It’s easy to snap or shut down when you’re overwhelmed. But when you speak from the “I,” you stay grounded in your own experience without blaming others.

Instead of saying:“You don’t understand how hard this is!”

Try:“I’m carrying a lot right now, and it’s been tough to process everything.”

When you’re with families in crisis, modeling healthy expression matters. You might say:“I can see you’re feeling angry—or scared, or overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel that way. I’m here to listen.”

This kind of presence creates psychological safety—for families and for coworkers. People don’t need to be “fixed.” They need to feel seen.

5. Channel It Into Purpose

Some anger is righteous. It means you care. It means you know things need to be better.

That kind of anger can be powerful fuel. The key is to direct it somewhere meaningful.

Ask yourself:

• Can I speak up for more mental health resources for our team?

• Can I share updated know-your-rights info with families feeling scared?

• Can I suggest a team walk or meditation moment after a heavy day?

6. Hold Compassion For Yourself

Remember that you are more than the sum of your roles—beyond being a home visitor, a team member, or a calming presence. Your deep capacity to feel is not a flaw but a strength, affirming your unique place in this space.

Allow yourself permission to pause: to cry, to breathe, to admit that you don't have all the answers. When the weight becomes too much, reach out—to a trusted colleague, a therapist, or someone who simply listens without the need to fix anything.

You perform a quiet act of courage every day by showing up for people in their most vulnerable moments, even as you navigate your own inner storms. Your anger is not a sign of weakness; it is a reflection of your authenticity. The key is to acknowledge it as valuable information without letting it spill over and harm you or those around you.

You can’t solve everything. But you can transform some of the pain into action—and that kind of purpose keeps us going.

You are human first. Feeling anger doesn’t mean you’re doing this work wrong—it means your heart is in it. The goal isn’t to avoid anger, but to acknowledge it, learn from it, and use it in a way that supports healing—yours and others’.

May you find the space to feel, the strength to express, and the grace to keep moving forward. 

You are not alone in this journey—we see you, and we support you.