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Melissa Sims

Our Only True Anchor

Life is a series of moments, each unique, each fleeting. Yet, it is often our nature to dwell on the past or worry about the future, leaving us caught in a cycle of fear and anxiety that robs us of the present moment. This state of being can become particularly pronounced when we face loss and grief—two emotional landscapes that, while related, are distinct in their impact on our hearts and minds.



Understanding Loss and Grief


Loss is the absence of something or someone we cherish, while grief is the process of navigating that absence. Loss can be tangible, such as the passing of a loved one or the end of a relationship, or intangible, like the loss of a dream or the erosion of our sense of stability. 


Grief, on the other hand, is the emotional, physical, and psychological response that follows. It’s a complex process that doesn’t adhere to timelines or rational patterns, making it an experience that can fuel anxiety and fear.


While sadness and grief are often used interchangeably, they are not the same. Sadness is a natural emotional response that can arise in various situations—from minor disappointments to significant losses. It is usually temporary and can fade as circumstances change or improve. Grief, however, is a deeper, more profound process that encompasses a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even numbness. Grief is tied specifically to loss and is more enduring, as it reflects the process of adjusting to life without something or someone that was deeply valued. Understanding this distinction helps in recognizing that grief is not just prolonged sadness but an intricate, multifaceted journey.


The overwhelming nature of grief can make us feel as if we are at the mercy of our emotions, powerless against the waves that come and go. And while it is completely normal to feel sad—to grieve—it is important to remember that the only thing we can truly control is our response in the present moment. This is where mindfulness becomes a powerful ally.


The Power of Mindfulness


Mindfulness is the practice of anchoring oneself in the present moment without judgment. It means paying attention to what is happening now, acknowledging our thoughts and feelings, but not letting them dictate our actions. When we apply mindfulness to our experiences of fear and anxiety, especially in the context of loss and grief, we create space for healing and resilience.


Think of your mind as a vast, stormy ocean. The waves—representing fear, anxiety, and grief—rise and fall, sometimes crashing with force. Mindfulness teaches us that while we may not control the ocean, we can learn to surf the waves rather than be swept away by them.


Allowing Space for Grief


One of the greatest misconceptions about grief is that we should try to overcome it as quickly as possible. However, rushing through or suppressing grief often intensifies feelings of anxiety. Instead, mindfulness invites us to create space for grief, to acknowledge its presence without judgment, and to understand that feeling sad is not a sign of weakness but a natural part of the human experience.


When you feel the grip of grief tightening, pause and take a deep breath. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without labeling it as “good” or “bad.” Perhaps it’s the sharp pang of loss, or maybe it’s the quiet ache of nostalgia. Let those emotions flow without fighting them. Acknowledge them, and then bring your focus gently back to the present moment.


The Present Moment: Our Only True Anchor


Anxiety often stems from trying to control the uncontrollable—worrying about what could happen, or replaying what has already happened. In moments of fear and uncertainty, remind yourself that the present is the only moment that truly exists. By grounding yourself in the now, you shift your focus from what is outside your control to what is within it.


Try this simple mindfulness exercise: close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. Feel the air filling your lungs, notice the rise and fall of your chest, the sensation of your feet on the ground. Open your eyes and take in your surroundings. What do you see? What sounds do you hear? Engaging your senses helps tether your mind to the present, allowing you to step out of the cycle of fear and into a place of calm.


Finding Joy Amidst Sorrow


It can be challenging to believe that joy and grief can coexist, but they can. One does not cancel out the other; rather, they remind us of the fullness of life. During times of loss, moments of joy can feel fleeting or even undeserved. However, allowing yourself to find and cherish these moments is a vital part of the healing process.


Reflect on what brings you joy—a warm cup of coffee in the morning, the laughter of a friend, or the comfort of a beloved pet. Even small moments of happiness can be powerful reminders that life, despite its sorrows, holds beauty worth experiencing.


Practicing Gratitude


Gratitude is a practice that shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have. When fear and anxiety threaten to take hold, gratitude can be a stabilizing force. This doesn’t mean ignoring pain or denying grief; instead, it means holding space for both sorrow and thankfulness.


Each day, take a moment to reflect on three things you are grateful for. They don’t need to be grand—perhaps it’s the warmth of the sun on your face or the sound of rain tapping against your window. Acknowledging these small blessings helps reframe your perspective and reminds you that amidst loss, life continues to offer gifts.


Moving Forward with Intention


Mindfulness, gratitude, and the embrace of the present moment are not quick fixes; they are ongoing practices that require patience and kindness toward yourself. Remember that grief does not have a linear path and that it is normal to feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed at times. But also remember that you have the power to bring your focus back to the present, to find moments of peace, and to cultivate joy where you can.


So, when the waves of fear and anxiety begin to rise, pause. Breathe. Anchor yourself in the present, and remind yourself that it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel sad. And it’s okay to find joy and gratitude, even in the midst of sorrow. Life, after all, is not just the storms we weather, but the quiet moments when we find our footing and realize we are still here, still capable of feeling, loving, and living in this very moment.

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