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Melissa Sims

Rediscovering What Matters Most

The holiday season is often described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” Yet, for many, it feels like a whirlwind of stress, obligations, and unmet expectations. From buying the perfect gifts to attending countless social gatherings, the holidays can leave us feeling more drained than joyful. But what if we took a step back and reevaluated what the holidays truly mean to us? What if we gave ourselves permission to let go of traditions or expectations that no longer align with our values or bring us happiness?



Reevaluating the holidays isn’t about rejecting the season altogether—it’s about rediscovering joy and meaning by being intentional. It’s about identifying what’s truly important to you and letting go of the rest. In doing so, you can cultivate a holiday experience that supports your mental health and well-being rather than detracting from it. 


The holidays come with an abundance of external pressures. Advertisements encourage us to spend more, while social media amplifies comparisons with picture-perfect celebrations. Family expectations may feel overwhelming, especially when traditions seem non-negotiable.


This combination of financial strain, time constraints, and emotional exhaustion can leave many people feeling anxious, burned out, or disconnected. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of people say their stress increases during the holidays, and women, in particular, report feeling the burden of managing family responsibilities and creating holiday magic.


It’s easy to lose sight of what matters when we’re caught up in a cycle of obligation and perfectionism. That’s why taking a step back and reevaluating is so essential. It allows us to break free from societal and self-imposed expectations and focus on what truly brings us joy and connection.


The first step in reevaluating the holidays is to reflect on what they mean to you. Ask yourself:

• What do I value most about this time of year?

• Which traditions or activities bring me joy, and which ones feel like obligations?

• How do I want to feel during the holidays?


For some, the holidays are about reconnecting with loved ones. For others, they’re a time for rest, gratitude, or spiritual reflection. There’s no right or wrong answer—what matters is that your celebrations align with your personal values.


If certain traditions or expectations no longer serve you, give yourself permission to let them go. Perhaps you’ve always hosted a large holiday dinner, but this year, the thought feels overwhelming. Instead of forcing yourself to follow tradition, consider simplifying the celebration or passing the torch to someone else. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re making space for what truly matters.


Letting Go of “Should” and Embracing Choice


You know by now that one of our least favorite words is should. The holidays are often filled with “shoulds.” You should buy a gift for every coworker. You should attend every family gathering. You should create a perfect meal from scratch. But these “shoulds” can create unnecessary pressure and detract from the joy of the season.


Instead of operating on autopilot, challenge these assumptions. Ask yourself:

• Is this something I genuinely want to do, or do I feel obligated?

• How would I feel if I didn’t do this?

• Does this align with my values and priorities?


When you approach the holidays with intention, you regain a sense of agency. You’re no longer bound by expectations—you’re free to make choices that feel right for you. That might mean saying no to a party so you can spend a quiet evening at home, or it might mean skipping the gift exchange and donating to a cause you care about instead.


The Importance of Mindfulness During the Holidays


One of the most powerful ways to reduce holiday stress is by practicing mindfulness. It will allow you to let go of distractions and focus on what truly matters, whether that’s savoring a meal, listening to a loved one, or simply taking a deep breath amidst the chaos.


Here are some ways to incorporate mindfulness into your holiday season:

1. Set Intentions: At the start of the season, set an intention for how you want to experience the holidays. This could be a single word, like “peace” or “connection,” or a phrase, like “I will focus on gratitude and let go of perfectionism.”

2. Create Boundaries: Mindfulness also involves recognizing your limits and setting boundaries. If attending three holiday events in one weekend feels overwhelming, prioritize the ones that matter most and politely decline the rest.

3. Practice Gratitude: Take a moment each day to reflect on what you’re grateful for. This practice can help shift your focus from what’s missing or stressful to what’s meaningful and fulfilling.

4. Savor Small Moments: Instead of rushing through your to-do list, pause to appreciate the small joys of the season—a warm cup of cocoa, the twinkle of lights, or the sound of laughter.


Redefining Traditions with Intention


Traditions are often a source of comfort and connection, but they can also become rigid or stressful over time. Reevaluating the holidays doesn’t mean abandoning all traditions; it means reimagining them in ways that feel authentic and enjoyable.


For example:

Streamline Gift-Giving: Instead of buying gifts for everyone in your extended family, suggest a Secret Santa or focus on meaningful, handmade items. Or, assign everyone one person to buy a gift for. This can create a much more authentic experience. 

Simplify Celebrations: If preparing a big holiday feast feels daunting, consider a potluck or a casual gathering with takeout.

Create New Rituals: If old traditions no longer resonate, create new ones that reflect your current values. This could be volunteering at a shelter, hosting a cozy movie night, or taking a nature walk to reflect on the year.


By approaching traditions with flexibility, you can honor the spirit of the holidays without sacrificing your well-being.


Fostering Connection Without Overextending


For many, the holidays are about spending time with loved ones. But connection doesn’t have to mean constant activity or socializing. Quality often matters more than quantity.


Consider:

Prioritizing Key Relationships: Focus on spending meaningful time with a few close friends or family members rather than trying to see everyone.

Being Fully Present: When you’re with loved ones, put away distractions like your phone and truly engage in the moment.

Practicing Self-Compassion: If you’re unable to see everyone or meet every expectation, remind yourself that you’re doing your best.


Finding Joy in Simplicity


The true essence of the holidays often lies in simplicity. It’s the quiet moments of reflection, the warmth of connection, and the acts of kindness that make this season special. By slowing down, only doing what is enjoyable to you and focusing on what truly matters, you can create a celebration that feels joyful, meaningful, and sustainable.


This year, give yourself the gift of mindfulness. Let go of the pressure to do it all, and instead, embrace the freedom to celebrate in a way that aligns with your values and brings you peace. After all, the holidays are not about perfection—they’re about presence.


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