Holding Space and Leaning In

Healthy Ways to Process Big Emotions in Leadership

Things are tense right now, there’s absolutely no arguing that. After attending the Family Strengthening Network Summit on Wednesday, I was left with a dichotomy of emotion. On one hand, I felt inspired by Dr. John’s words about accepting your anger, allowing your tears, and leaning into the raw, split open emotions that many of us are feeling right now. On the other hand, after reading through the comments and feeling the personal ways in which current events are affecting so many, I was incredibly freaking pissed off. Yep, big bad words there, and no, I am not sorry. I’m angry. I’m scared. And I’m trying to find ways to not let the anger consume me. 

Dr. Jaiya John quote

As leaders in this program, you may find yourselves navigating an invisible weight—one that builds slowly and silently with every heartbreaking story or family suddenly torn apart. Even if we’re not directly affected, the ripple effects reach us. The fear in a parent's eyes, the confusion in a child's voice, the silence in a once lively home—these moments linger.

And sometimes, underneath it all, is anger.

Anger that things feel unfair. Anger that you can’t fix it all. Anger that your team is overwhelmed and there are no easy answers.

Here’s what we need to remember: anger is not the enemy. It’s a signal. It’s data. But if left unchecked or unprocessed, it can spill into our teams, our homes, and our health.

So how do we, as leaders, hold space for anger without letting it consume or define us?

1. Name It Without Shame

The first step in managing anger is simply naming it. “I’m feeling angry right now.” That one sentence can be powerful. It interrupts the spiral of judgment (“I shouldn’t feel this way”) and shifts us into self-awareness.

Try this:

“This situation is making me feel frustrated and helpless. I want to do more, and that feeling is manifesting as anger.”

This small act of naming can help you move from reaction to reflection.

2. Get Curious, Not Reactive

Anger often masks deeper emotions—fear, sadness, grief, powerlessness. As a leader, it’s easy to want to push through and “stay strong.” But true strength lies in curiosity.

Ask yourself:

• What am I really feeling under this anger?

• What need is going unmet right now?

• Am I trying to protect someone or something?

This inner inquiry softens the grip of anger and opens the door to compassion—both for yourself and for others.

3. Move Your Body, Shift the Energy

Anger is a physical emotion. It lives in the body. You may feel tightness in your chest, a racing heart, or clenched jaws. Releasing that tension physically is essential.

Ways to do this:

• Take a brisk walk around the block or parking lot

• Practice 5 minutes of deep belly breathing

• Shake out your arms and legs (yes, even in the staff break room!)

• Do a silent scream in the car—let it out in a safe, private space. Or even better, grab a pillow, and scream it out. RELEASE IT.

Remember: you don’t need to “stay calm” all the time. You just need to find safe outlets for intense energy.

4. Speak From the “I” and Create Safe Conversations

In moments of anger, it’s tempting to lash out or place blame. But when you speak from the “I,” you stay rooted in your own truth without projecting onto others.

Instead of:

“You don’t get how hard this is!”

Try:

“I’m carrying a lot right now, and I’m struggling to process it all.”

As a leader, you can also model healthy emotional expression for your team. Create space for check-ins that allow for honesty, not just productivity.

You might say:

“We’re all navigating tough stuff. If you’re angry, sad, or just tired, it’s okay to name that here.”

Psychological safety grows when people feel seen—not silenced.

5. Channel It Into Purpose

Righteous anger can be fuel for action. Let it guide you toward what’s in your control.

Can you:

• Advocate for your team’s mental health resources?

• Share updated know-your-rights materials with staff and families?

• Organize a moment of collective support, like a mindfulness pause or resource circle?

Turning pain into purpose doesn’t eliminate the anger, but it gives it direction. That’s powerful leadership.

6. Hold Compassion For Yourself

You are human. Not just a provider, not just a program manager, not just a calming presence. You are someone who feels deeply. That is not a flaw—it’s a strength.

Give yourself permission to step away. To cry. To breathe. To not have it all figured out.

And if needed, reach out—to a trusted colleague, a therapist, or someone who simply listens without trying to fix.

Being a leader in home visiting is a quiet act of courage. You’re showing up in people’s most vulnerable moments, even when you’re carrying your own storms. Anger doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real. The key is to honor it without letting it harm you or those around you.

May you find space to feel, strength to express, and grace to keep going.

You’re not alone in this.

If you do decide to exercise your rights, please do so peacefully. 

We see you, and we support you.