A Hidden Pitfall: Favoritism

Let’s be honest—most of us like certain people more than others. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some team members are easier to connect with, share our sense of humor, or simply “get” how we work. That’s human. But when you’re in a leadership role, those natural preferences can quietly slip into favoritism—or at least the perception of it. And once that perception takes hold, it can spread faster than you realize.

Favoritism doesn’t always start with bad intentions. It often grows quietly from connection and trust built over time. Maybe you naturally turn to someone you know well for feedback, assign them a project because you trust their ability, or spend more time checking in because the relationship feels easy. But here’s the truth: even unintentional favoritism can cause real harm to your team.

When employees perceive favoritism—whether or not it’s actually happening—it can erode trust, reduce motivation, and create division. Those who feel overlooked might stop speaking up, become disengaged, or lose confidence in the fairness of leadership decisions. Over time, morale drops, and the once-solid foundation of teamwork starts to crack.

The Power of Perception

Leaders sometimes underestimate how closely their actions are watched and interpreted. Small gestures—like laughing a little longer with one person, consistently asking the same staff member for input, or offering more flexible scheduling to one individual—can send strong signals to the rest of the team.

Even when the intention is innocent, perception matters just as much as reality in leadership. What you intend as efficiency or trust might be perceived as bias or exclusion. And perception, once set, is hard to change.

That’s why awareness and reflection are essential tools for any leader who wants to build an equitable, trusting environment.

Three Ways to Reflect and Reset

1. Audit Your Attention

Ask yourself: Who do I go to first for ideas, feedback, or problem-solving?

If it’s consistently the same person or small group, consider why. Is it comfort, trust, or habit? Try making a conscious effort to rotate opportunities—delegate tasks, ask for input from quieter voices, and diversify who you mentor or check in with regularly. Leaders can unintentionally create “inner circles.” Expanding your reach ensures everyone feels valued and seen.

2. Listen for the Silence

Favoritism often reveals itself not through what’s said, but through what’s not said. If certain staff members have become less vocal or withdrawn, it could signal they don’t feel equally included or heard. Invite feedback privately and without defensiveness. Ask, “Do you feel you have equal access to opportunities and feedback?” Their answers might be uncomfortable—but they’re also gold for growth.

3. Separate the Personal from the Professional

Leaders who once worked alongside their staff often struggle with where the friendship ends and leadership begins. It’s okay to still care for your former peers, but decisions should be made through the lens of fairness, not familiarity. Reflect on each leadership choice—assignments, recognition, flexibility—and ask, “Would I make this same decision if it were anyone else?” If not, pause and recalibrate. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean becoming cold or detached; it means leading with consistency and integrity. True respect grows when people know the rules apply to everyone.

Leading with Fairness and Heart

Favoritism, whether real or perceived, chips away at one of leadership’s most valuable currencies: trust. But awareness, reflection, and transparency can rebuild that trust over time.

Leadership isn’t about pretending you don’t have favorites—it’s about ensuring that personal comfort never becomes professional inequality. When every voice feels heard, and

every effort feels recognized, teams thrive.

The goal isn’t to be perfect—it’s to be mindful. Because fairness isn’t just about how you treat people; it’s about how people feel treated.